oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
