Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
