forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
