if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
