What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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