I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
