I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
