Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
