So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
