Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want nice things and good sex
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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