I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
