When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
