i permit you to call me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There r osticjed everywhere
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
