I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
