Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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