i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
