Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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