So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
