Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
