i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
