Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
