my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
