It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
