I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
