I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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