I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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