Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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