I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
