So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
