I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
