so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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