my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
