Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
