im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
