singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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