Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
