Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I smell stomach acid.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
