Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
