the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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