Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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