Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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