Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
