I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
