never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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