we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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