my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
