'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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