I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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