Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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