so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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