I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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