i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
