she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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