dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
