I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
