Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
how drunk are you?
Several
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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