I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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